A Non-Introduction

I hate introductions. Whether it was the first day of school obligatory “what’s your name and what did you do this summer” speech, the new job “I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes on my first day” handshake and smile, the first date “I hope you’re not a serial killer/stalker/codependent nail biter, but if you are you’re a cute one” awkwardness, or the this is my blog “does it really matter who I am” paragraph, I hate them all. 

Introductions require effort, not much effort, but more than I’m willing to give. In real life there’s the smile, the handshake, fist bump, hug, maybe even a crotch grab depending on the number of alcoholic beverages at the time of the meet ‘n’ greet. However, on the internet in Blogville it’s a little more complex. The first post should set the tone, tell people who you are, illustrate your ability to spell and utilize semi proper grammar, and maybe convey the general purpose of your blog. If you were to follow this formula, you would see that my blog is…….not so much a failure, more like an underachiever. 

However, in an effort to appease the masses (by masses I mean the six people silly enough to skim this) and because I have what several therapists have described as an ‘obsessive need to follow the rules,’ I will provide a numbered list that details all of the necessary information for the ‘who am I’ introductory blog post.

1.       The tone of my blog is simple, heartfelt, compassionate, uplifting and most of all, none of these things.

2.       Who am I? Look to the right, there’s a box entitled “About Me” lurking around. You’re welcome.

3.       I can’t spell. Spell check is the only reason this post isn’t littered with creatively constructed words. I also make up a lot of words, don’t know how to properly place commas, and spout off random phrases that don’t make much sense.

4.       This blog is my way of giving back to the world. It is my hope that everyone who reads my magical words will be forever changed and go on to lead productive, non-annoying lives. Lives filled with beautiful rainbows and captivating sun dances. Or it’s a method for me to unleash my madness. I’ll let you pick. Hey! Look at that! I’m interactive. Only on the internet. 

So. This is my blog or rather this is the non-introduction of my blog. The fun stuff comes later. Assuming there is fun stuff. I make no promises.